FMNST

This blog focuses on many human equality issues and positivity: i.e. gender ideals, sexual identity issues, gender rolls, racial issues, cultural issues, intersectionality, body/sex positivity, sex and masturbation, zines, literature, activism, age discrimination, classism, politics and all the in betweens, the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful. Questions and comments are welcome. Hatred is not.

I am a 21 year old queer pansexual female-identifying feminist/humanist/lover living in the Southwest region of the states. I am passionate, I create fire with words, and I believe that speaking up and making peaceful change is something that always fuels my human need to communicate. Perhaps you feel the same; if you do submit something! Speak up! Rant! Tell me your story! Together, let's make some noise.

Do you think that your 16 year old daughter hasn’t masturbated already? Like, do you really think there’s anything in that scene that this chick hasn’t already tried when the lights go out at night, or in the bathroom, or in the tub, or with the shower head or something like that? I’m telling you, man, I’m not teaching this broad anything new. If I were to create a rating system, I wouldn’t even put murder right at the top of the chief offenses. I would put rape right at the top, and assault against women. Because it’s so insanely overused and insulting how much it’s overused in movies as a plot device, a woman in peril. That, to me, is offensive, yet that shit skates.
- Kevin Smith (director) on the ridiculousness of movies about sex receiving NC-17 ratings while extremely violent movies get by with R ratings.


Alright Dave, let’s see here: Why do women complain about getting raped? Let’s start off with saying that your ridiculous metaphors are anything but intelligent. They make you sound like a complete idiot. How can you say being raped is like being forced to accept free money? One of them is a harmless acceptance; the other, a lifelong, harmful struggle to say the very least. Womyn do have many awesome options when it comes to their sexual lives. WHEN IT COMES TO THEIR SEX LIVES. WHEN IT COMES TO THEIR SEX LIVES. Being forced against your will is not your sex life. It is an attack; a brutal, cruel, heartless, cowardly attack by a brutal, cruel, heartless coward. Consent, consent, consent is what is sexy and if there is no consent between the two or three or more parties involved, then it is not consensual sex. It is called rape, and rape is not a choice. I’ve been raped before, and never have I thought I was “complaining” about it when I finally spoke up about it. I felt relieved, like a huge weight had been lifted but there was so much more pain to come. Why? Because it ruined me for a long time. You, Dave, will probably never know what rape victims have to go through because you’re an ignorant douchebag. Complain about free oxygen… let that one soak through your brainless head once more. So, we’ve covered the basics here, Dave. To you, rape is free sex. The part that you’re missing is… rape isn’t even about sex. Rape is about power, about rendering the victim helpless, about taking control of something you are not supposed to have control over. Rape is not a joke. Rape is not positive. Rape is a disgusting power-hungry trip done only by cowards. And ladies and gentlemen, if you’ve ever been raped, had a friend who has been raped, a mother, an aunt, a sister, or even heard stories about people you don’t know who have been raped, speak up about it. This rape culture we live in is a terribly sad excuse, like Dave here. Keep speaking up, keep advocating, keep being an activist and together, let’s make some noise about it. Photo submitted by MarshmellowDoom

Alright Dave, let’s see here: Why do women complain about getting raped?

Let’s start off with saying that your ridiculous metaphors are anything but intelligent. They make you sound like a complete idiot. How can you say being raped is like being forced to accept free money? One of them is a harmless acceptance; the other, a lifelong, harmful struggle to say the very least.

Womyn do have many awesome options when it comes to their sexual lives. WHEN IT COMES TO THEIR SEX LIVES. WHEN IT COMES TO THEIR SEX LIVES. Being forced against your will is not your sex life. It is an attack; a brutal, cruel, heartless, cowardly attack by a brutal, cruel, heartless coward. Consent, consent, consent is what is sexy and if there is no consent between the two or three or more parties involved, then it is not consensual sex. It is called rape, and rape is not a choice.

I’ve been raped before, and never have I thought I was “complaining” about it when I finally spoke up about it. I felt relieved, like a huge weight had been lifted but there was so much more pain to come. Why? Because it ruined me for a long time. You, Dave, will probably never know what rape victims have to go through because you’re an ignorant douchebag. Complain about free oxygen… let that one soak through your brainless head once more.

So, we’ve covered the basics here, Dave. To you, rape is free sex. The part that you’re missing is… rape isn’t even about sex. Rape is about power, about rendering the victim helpless, about taking control of something you are not supposed to have control over. Rape is not a joke. Rape is not positive. Rape is a disgusting power-hungry trip done only by cowards. And ladies and gentlemen, if you’ve ever been raped, had a friend who has been raped, a mother, an aunt, a sister, or even heard stories about people you don’t know who have been raped, speak up about it. This rape culture we live in is a terribly sad excuse, like Dave here. Keep speaking up, keep advocating, keep being an activist and together, let’s make some noise about it.

Photo submitted by MarshmellowDoom

poetontheflowerhill: noteasybeingred: matildastone:crustyriotgrrl:monsterpussy:missworld:greaterthanlapsed:ihatethismess:bringmethathorizon:robot-heart-politics: abcsoupdot: katharinec: abcsoupdot: newfilosofee: parliament-of-owls: fieryholocaust

poetontheflowerhill:

noteasybeingred:

matildastone:crustyriotgrrl:monsterpussy:missworld:greaterthanlapsed:ihatethismess:bringmethathorizon:robot-heart-politics: abcsoupdot: katharinec: abcsoupdot: newfilosofee: parliament-of-owls: fieryholocaust

NOW on PBS | A Rape Survivor Speaks | PBS

Look at the pain she is going through and what every man and womyn who is raped goes through. Open your eyes, society.

Does “dressing like a slut” increase victim potential? Recently, a Toronto cop addressing a group of law students said that women could avoid being targeted for sexual assault by not “dressing like a slut.” His words met with some heated reaction, and as of this writing the Toronto Police Service has had no official response to what the officer has said; they say, however, they’ll be looking into it. This underscores a major issue in law-enforcement and the relationship of police with the public. Keep in mind, this was an officer chosen to speak to the public, not a random conversation overheard at a private function, taken out of context, and blown out of proportion. The officer was prepared for the discussion, and while he acknowledged he wasn’t supposed to say what he said at the time, he still said it, thereby betraying his ignorance of criminal motivation and the ignorance of those in a position to protect the public. He wasn’t speaking from a knowledge of the crime not reported in statistics, and he certainly wasn’t representative of the attitudes of police who specifically deal with sexual assault. He was, however, representative of the fact the average police officer is not in a position to counsel the public on how to avoid crime. While it’s easy to say this is an exceptional circumstance, that law enforcement are in a position to give the best advice, consider this: on a regular and consistent basis, police advise against violent physical resistance to crime. It’s better, they say, to plan and organize the events of your day so that you don’t end up in a confrontation that might require you to defend yourself. Yes, absolutely right, but if awareness alone saved lives, there would not be so many law-enforcement officers dying at the hands of the criminal element. The motivated criminal will circumvent awareness, overpower defenses and carry out nefariously motivated acts regardless of the steps taken to prevent them from doing so. Thus, the criminal intent on doing harm to another’s sanctity of person will attempt to do so, regardless of the attire his chosen target has selected. Sex isn’t what the assault is about, it’s the weapon used. It is the stuff of pop-songs and romantic-comedies and marketing campaigns to say we were so overcome by attraction we could not control our actions. The idea that desire and attraction are at the root of sexual assault is entirely fallacious, and a dangerous mythology to spread. Imagine being alone with your object of desire and being so overcome with passion you are willing to use physical force, intimation, guilt, shame, violence… So amorous you will disregard things like age, mental health, physical consequences, marital status… So completely enamoured you are willing to abuse authority or trust, employ illicit drugs and alcohol or threaten to do the same thing to someone else if the object of your affection tells. Doesn’t sound like an expression of sexual desire anymore, does it? Sexual assault is nothing if not violent, whether in purpose, the ways it is carried out, or the effect it has on a society. Sexual attraction doesn’t explain why supposedly straight men attack other men - whose sexual orientation may not be known to the attacker. It doesn’t explain sexual assault of a geriatric patient or a child in care, and it doesn’t explain why so few rapists can even remember what the victim was wearing at the time of the assault. Sexual assault is often a weapon of war, and has been for centuries. I don’t think a battlefield leads to sexual attraction to the enemy, but it does lend itself to the mindset the enemy must be completely dominated, and his dignity stripped. So called “corrective rape” isn’t about changing a woman’s sexual orientation as much as it is about controlling her sexuality. Sexual assault is violence, not sex, and we are all secondary victims. It’s a particularly sinister form of terrorism, where, in this case, many secondary victims perpetuate a culture of sexual assault by blaming victims, infantilizing men and restricting freedoms on those we seek to protect. -The Best Defense Program

Does “dressing like a slut” increase victim potential?

Recently, a Toronto cop addressing a group of law students said that women could avoid being targeted for sexual assault by not “dressing like a slut.” His words met with some heated reaction, and as of this writing the Toronto Police Service has had no official response to what the officer has said; they say, however, they’ll be looking into it.

This underscores a major issue in law-enforcement and the relationship of police with the public. Keep in mind, this was an officer chosen to speak to the public, not a random conversation overheard at a private function, taken out of context, and blown out of proportion. The officer was prepared for the discussion, and while he acknowledged he wasn’t supposed to say what he said at the time, he still said it, thereby betraying his ignorance of criminal motivation and the ignorance of those in a position to protect the public. He wasn’t speaking from a knowledge of the crime not reported in statistics, and he certainly wasn’t representative of the attitudes of police who specifically deal with sexual assault. He was, however, representative of the fact the average police officer is not in a position to counsel the public on how to avoid crime.

While it’s easy to say this is an exceptional circumstance, that law enforcement are in a position to give the best advice, consider this: on a regular and consistent basis, police advise against violent physical resistance to crime. It’s better, they say, to plan and organize the events of your day so that you don’t end up in a confrontation that might require you to defend yourself. Yes, absolutely right, but if awareness alone saved lives, there would not be so many law-enforcement officers dying at the hands of the criminal element.

The motivated criminal will circumvent awareness, overpower defenses and carry out nefariously motivated acts regardless of the steps taken to prevent them from doing so. Thus, the criminal intent on doing harm to another’s sanctity of person will attempt to do so, regardless of the attire his chosen target has selected.

Sex isn’t what the assault is about, it’s the weapon used.

It is the stuff of pop-songs and romantic-comedies and marketing campaigns to say we were so overcome by attraction we could not control our actions. The idea that desire and attraction are at the root of sexual assault is entirely fallacious, and a dangerous mythology to spread.

Imagine being alone with your object of desire and being so overcome with passion you are willing to use physical force, intimation, guilt, shame, violence… So amorous you will disregard things like age, mental health, physical consequences, marital status… So completely enamoured you are willing to abuse authority or trust, employ illicit drugs and alcohol or threaten to do the same thing to someone else if the object of your affection tells. Doesn’t sound like an expression of sexual desire anymore, does it? Sexual assault is nothing if not violent, whether in purpose, the ways it is carried out, or the effect it has on a society.

Sexual attraction doesn’t explain why supposedly straight men attack other men - whose sexual orientation may not be known to the attacker. It doesn’t explain sexual assault of a geriatric patient or a child in care, and it doesn’t explain why so few rapists can even remember what the victim was wearing at the time of the assault. Sexual assault is often a weapon of war, and has been for centuries. I don’t think a battlefield leads to sexual attraction to the enemy, but it does lend itself to the mindset the enemy must be completely dominated, and his dignity stripped. So called “corrective rape” isn’t about changing a woman’s sexual orientation as much as it is about controlling her sexuality.

Sexual assault is violence, not sex, and we are all secondary victims. It’s a particularly sinister form of terrorism, where, in this case, many secondary victims perpetuate a culture of sexual assault by blaming victims, infantilizing men and restricting freedoms on those we seek to protect.

-The Best Defense Program

Things that you should just not say to/ask a rape victim. (Unknown author)

Possible Trigger Warnings: Rape, rape culture, victim-blaming.

From when sexual assaults are reported on the news to when a friend or family member is talking to you personally, there are some things you just…don’t say, because not only can those thing be completely and utterly horrid but they can really just frickin’ hurt the person that you’re saying them to. Speaking from personal experience, I still remember exactly what the first person I ever told about the abuse I went through said to me and I can safely say that what she said sufficently planted that “it’s all your fault” seed in a part of my head, which in ten years and another assault later has grown into a nice little black hole.

As far as all of the things to not ask and not say go, I think they all can be separated into four specific categories:

First off, there are the “I’m totally not blaming you for what happened, but have you tried covering every inch of your skin and locking yourself in a tower that’s guarded by a fire breathing dragon”questions. These are the ones where a person implies (or flat out insists) that you MUST have been doing something that “provoked” the attacker(s) into raping you.

Examples of this are: What were you wearing? How much did you drink? Did you keep an eye on your drink at ALL times? Did you flirt with the person/people who did this? How late was it? Did you lock your door? Did you get into a car with them? How many sexual partners have you had in the past?

Reasons why this is a shit thing to say: Because rape is never the victim’s fault. What one person does—what they drink, what they wear, how many people they’ve had sex with—does not flip on a switch in another person’s mind that forces them to rape another person. What one person does does not negate the fact that they did not consent or could not consent or wasn’t in a state where their consent was valid. When you ask questions like this, you are essentially telling the person that you think that they could have prevented what happened to them. And here’s a fun fact, people; the only real rape prevention is for people to not be rapists.

The second category is for the “Did you ___? Why not? Well, I would have!” questions. This is what happens when the person will ask you if you did something that they think you obviously should have done, then asks why not, and when your answer isn’t satisfactory enough for them they give their input on how they’d be so much more kick-ass than  you.

Examples of this: Why didn’t you call the police? Why didn’t you fight back? Why didn’t you scream? Did you tell anyone? Well, if I were in your position I would’ve fought them tooth and nail! I wouldn’t have LET them rape me!

Reasons why this is a shit thing to say: It’s easy to say what you would or wouldn’t have done when you weren’t the person in that situation. The fact of the matter is that you were not the one who experienced this and even if you had a similar experience in the past, this person is not you. Their mind doesn’t work the same way as yours, what they experienced is not the same as what you experienced. What they felt, what was going through their head at the time—these are unique to that person. Even if you were placed in that exact—and I mean EXACT—same situation, you would not feel exactly what they felt. There may be similar, borderline identical things there but you and them are two seperate people and your responses to events and reactions to them are not going to be completely mirrored.

The third category is for the “You got off lucky! There are people who get out of things like this soooo much worse off than you!” statements. This is like the cousin of the opression olympics. The person will explain to you that you really have no right to feel anything other than relieved about what happened because there are people in the world who have experienced much more painful things and you’re totally lucky that you got off that easy.

Examples of this are: You’re lucky you were a young child when this happened, there are people who have clear memories of their attack! You’re lucky that they didn’t kill you, at least you’re alive! You should be glad that they weren’t rough with you, there are some people who are really get physically hurt by this!

Reasons why this is a shit thing to say: Just because someone else in the world is going through/went through something “more severe” than what this person went through does not mean that what happened to this person didn’t happen, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t allowed to feel how they feel, and it doesn’t mean that you have any right to tell them that they should be happy that they “got off easy”. This is the same concept that allows the idea of “forcible rape is the only real rape” to exist. Rape isn’t just about bruises or blood; just because there aren’t physical scars doesn’t mean that the person isn’t affected by what happened and you have no right, whatsoever, to tell them what they are and aren’t allowed to feel about this.

And, last but not least, there is category four; the “Raped? You weren’t raped. I want you to prove to me RIGHT NOW that you were raped.” statements. These are the people who flat out don’t believe anything that you say. The reasons given can range from the “popular people don’t need to rape to get laid” to the “you were drunk, you’re not allowed to feel bad and cry rape the next day”.

Examples of this are: He’s the most popular guy at school, he could have anyone he wants so he totally wouldn’t have raped anyone! Look at you, just be glad that you got laid and quit trying to ruin a good person’s life! Pfft, look at how they dress it’s totally obvious that they’re only accusing them to get attention!

Reasons why this is a shit thing to say: Contrary to what various TV shows or movies or media outlets would have you believe, not all rapists and victims fit a specific type—they don’t all have the same appearance or personalities. Popular people, pretty people, and people that would have “no trouble getting laid”? Those people can be rapists too. Just like those people who you think would be “lucky to get with someone like them!” can be rape victims. This line of reasoning? This is the line of  reasoning that lets pro-athletes get off scott free when there’s a mountain of evidence that they’re guilty. This is the line of reasoning that has victims terrified to tell anyone about how this popular, everyone-likes-em person dragged them into the school bathroom and raped them. This person has no—let me repeat that: NO—obligation to prove a damn thing to you and the fact that you automatically doubt them because of how “awesome” their rapist is or because of how “not-awesome” they are is just flat out an asshole move.

All of these things? These are all things that I’ve had said to me. These are things that I’ve heard other people have said to them. These are things that I’ve read about being said to people in various blogs and journals online. And these are things that I see in every single comment section of every single rape that makes the headlines.

These are all things that just should NOT be said. These all are statements or questions that somehow say—whether it be subtle or blunt—that the rape was in some way the victim’s fault or that the victim did something wrong or that the victim could’ve been a “better” victim or that the victim ain’t even a victm because popular people aren’t rapists or some crap like that!

And I have no clue how to end this post on a note that isn’t awkward or cliche or pep talky, so…I’m just going to end it with a period and be done.